There were plenty of other things I could do then that I miss terribly now.  I still love sports, I just can’t participate anymore.  I used to go to about 30 Flyers games a season.  Even then I couldn’t see the puck, but I could follow the game and enjoyed going.  I’ve been to three since 28 January 2003.  That date was the last home game before my surgery.  It was the last game I “saw” (and it was a bad game — a 3-0 loss to Tampa Bay.)  I’ve been to two Phillies games at Citizens Bank Park, one this past season when they played Baltimore (and lost 6-5.)  A friend had two extra tickets and Jane wanted to go (it was her first Phils game, but her second O’s game.)  It was great seeing her get into the game and get excited, and I enjoyed spending time with my friend and his son.  As far as the game went, I pretended like I knew what was going on, but I didn’t.

My whole life was about trying to maintain my vision.  Glaucoma cannot be fixed or reversed.  I remember as a kid I used to ask my eye doctor if anything new had been developed that could improve my vision.  The answer then is the same as it is now: not yet.  Maybe some day.  On that day back in 2003, we tried.  It just didn’t work out the way we hoped.

Seven Years Ago Today is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: bad game, Baltimore, citizens bank park, eye, game, glaucoma, Jane, last game, phillies games, season, surgery, Tampa Bay, trabeculectomy

My OCT scan from 11 Jan 2010.

Image of My OCT Scan is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: bellies, butts, caption, cataract, cornea, Dr. Pro, glaucoma, image, mine, New York, OCT, pagoda building, retina, update, vitreous retina, wills eye

My good fortune was that the machine was brand spanking new and both Irene and Todd had not yet mastered it.  Irene couldn’t get a good set of images and kept asking me if I was diabetic, which I am not.  She then said that the cataract in that eye must be really dense, because they couldn’t get a clear image.  She then decided to dilate my eye.  (This test was only for the left eye.  The right is waiting for the Six Million Dollar Man eye and I haven’t spotted those at Radio Shack yet.)  Dr. Pro had asked that the eye be dilated, but Irene thought it wasn’t necessary at the beginning.  While my pupil was dilating, Irene stepped out of the room.  Todd, Eliz, and I talked about the machine.  I asked Todd a question and didn’t get a response.  Eliz then answered for him.  Seems he didn’t realize I couldn’t see him and he nodded yes to answer my question.  After about 10 minutes, Irene walked back in, but Todd wanted his turn on the machine, so Irene coached him.  He couldn’t get a good image either.  Irene’s turn again.

After about 10 to 15 minutes of trying, we were asked to go wait in another waiting area.  We only waited there a couple of minutes and then it was back into the hot seat for me (and I didn’t stumble in the room this time since my eye was dilated…)  Finally, Irene was able to get the correct images the doctor ordered.  I asked if I could have one put on my flash drive.  Irene said no, but said she’d print one out.  As she looked through all the images, she realized that they weren’t that good.  She asked if she could try again on getting a good image.  At this point, either Eliz or I mentioned the Endothelial transplant from December 2008.  She then said that might be why she couldn’t get a good image.  Whatever.  She got some images she was happy with and printed one out for me…  In black and white!  The doctor will have a look in a day or two.  I’ll call on Wednesday to see what the story is.

I’ve got a scanner issue that is stopping me from uploading the image.  Hopefully I’ll figure it out tomorrow and have the image up here then.  I know it doesn’t look like this image:

OCT demonstrating normal retinal architecture.

My OCT scan from 11 Jan 2010.

So now I have to wait to hear from the doctor.  My image is a bit more “hilly” than the image above.  I’m hopeful this is the reason for my latest issue.  I also hope this can be fixed.

OCT Retina Test is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: adventure today, caption, cataract, cornea, Dr. Pro, Eliz, eye, glaucoma, good fortune, image, Irene, machine, OCT, retina, room, surveillance camera, thin red line, Todd, waiting area, wills eye

So the holidays are over.  We’re out of Folcroft and restocking the shelves in the new space and we’re starting to make local deliveries from the phone orders we’re taking.  Just when it looked like things were starting to settle down, a couple of new challenges have emerged.  My mother hasn’t been feeling well since her fall about three months ago.  Eliz has been taking her to various doctors over the past week, with another appointment on Monday.  One doctor thinks she may have shingles.  It has worn my dad down.  He feels helpless since he can no longer drive and his vision and memory are starting to slip.  We’ll know more on my mom on Monday.

The other challenge is me.  I’ve noticed that my vision has deteriorated over the last six months and has really started to nose dive in the past few weeks.  (I got a new HDTV for my birthday and hooked up the HDMI cable about four weeks ago and was wowed that I could notice a difference in the picture.  Watching the news tonight, I couldn’t make out many of the graphics that said where the story was taking place and the reporters/interviewee’s name.)

At Wills Eye today, my glaucoma doc, Dr. Pro, told me he didn’t think the issue was glaucoma related.  My cornea doc had previously told me that he didn’t think it was cornea related.  Dr. Pro mentioned today there were two other possibilities: the cataract or a retina problem.  He said while the cataract might be the cause of some of the issue, he said it wouldn’t lead to the significant vision loss I have sustained over the past weeks.  I couldn’t read the big E on the chart with or without the pin holes.  The E is the 20/400 at the very beginning of the eye chart.  I was able to count fingers at about three feet.  This, of course, was in my left eye, the “good” one.  As usual, I could tell when a light was off or on using my right eye, so there’s no excuse if I leave a light on in a room…

This development is troubling to me, though not unexpected.  My whole life I knew the chances were good that one day the lights would fade.  Maybe this can be reversed.  I’ll know more on Monday after I have an OCT (The technique of optical coherence tomography (OCT) produces high resolution, high speed, non-invasive, cross-sectional images of body tissue. from the University of Miami) test.  Hopefully, I’ll have some images to post and some good news to deliver.  Funny how last April and May I was trying to find a way to be able to have a catch with Jane to now just trying not to walk into things or find items on my own.

As usual, there is never a dull moment with me, especially when I do walk into something.  I end up cursing like a drunken sailor with turrets even when I don’t hurt myself.  The frustration gets hold of me for a minute or two.  Sometimes it does actually hurt…

New Challenges is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: 16th birthday, birthday, dad, Dr. Pro, Eliz, eye, Folcroft, glaucoma, hdmi cable, HDTV, holiday, holiday season, Jake, Jane, joyous season, rear ends, season, University of Miami, wills eye

After lunch, we went to visit my parents.  We do that every weekend and sometimes during the week if they need something.  Today we took them a couple of rye breads, a frozen dinner they asked for, a box of Tastykake cupcakes courtesy of my friend Alex, and a couple of treats.  While we’re visiting, we talk for awhile, watch TV, and help them any way we can.  Usually, the kids and Eliz hang out with my mom, while I talk with my dad.

Today was a bit different because my mom was preparing dinner when we arrived, so we all kind of hung out in the kitchen and dinning area.  When we arrived to their apartment, there was a gift on the shelf outside their door for my dad.  After we went through all the stuff we brought for them, he opened the present.  It was from a few ladies who my father taught to shoot pool.  My parents both laughed as Eliz read who the pound of fudge was from.  Between that gift, the treats we brought them, and the ice cream they have stashed in their freezer from the “cafe” down the hall, they should have enough sweets for a week or two.

After my mom had everything simmering on the stove, my parents, Eliz, and I went into the den, while the kids went into the bedroom to watch TV.  We talked about Shavu’ot, a jewish holiday that Jake has to do a presentation on at school (which neither I or my parents knew anything about,) Jake’s decision to got to Japan with the Japanese club from Westtown, some trips we took when I was a kid, and business.  We spent between and hour and a half and two hours visiting, then we headed across the street to Borders and then came home.

Since it is Hanukkah, we wanted to do one of our family traditions: make potato latkes.  (The kids are being raised without religion, though they are exposed to both jewish and catholic traditions.  If they want to pick a religion when they’re older, that’s up to them.)  The best part of latkes this year was that both kids wanted to help in the preparation.  They both peeled potatoes.  Jake then cut them up for Jane to feed into the food processor for shredding.  Eliz then grated the onion in the food processor.  I added the other ingredients and cooked them.  Jane later said she wanted to form some and cook them, so my cooking duties were over for the day.  Don’t tell her, but she is better at cooking them than me…  We then enjoyed them together, along with roasted turkey breast, at the dinner table.

Simply eating together at the dinner table is good.  We don’t get to do it as often as we should.  We all had a hand in making the latkes and spent real quality time with one another.  Eliz and I both really enjoyed it.

A Good Day is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: Alex, appointment, basement, Borders, Crozer, day, dinner, Don, Dr. Ayres, Eliz, friend alex, frozen dinner, glaucoma, Hanukkah, I, Jake, Jane, Japan, Japanese, japanese club, jewish holiday, mom, ophthalmologists, problems, rye breads, shredding, Today, video

I get called back and the “nurse” (she is more than a helper, but I doubt she is a nurse — please correct me if I’m wrong) puts up the eye chart.  I see the big E (20/400,) but not the SL (20/200.)  She drops the pinhole thingy over my eye and after some searching for the perfect pinhole, I see the SL line.  The OPLB line looks like some black blobs and I can’t make any of the letters out.  The “nurse” says, “Oh, that’s not so bad.  It’s only one line less.”  Really?  So if you are driving down the street, you don’t think seeing a sign with letters about 12 inches tall would be much easier to see than the sign with letters about six inches tall?  I’ve wasted a ton of money on signage then if it’s not that different.

After waiting an unusually long time to see Dr. Ayers (a total of about an hour fifteen minutes,) he finally came into the room.  We exchanged pleasantries and then discussed my eyes.  I told him about my left eye and not seeing as good as I had been and I am now having greater difficulty reading on the computer.  As I put my head into the applanation tonometer (the machine with the blue light on it,) I mention that my right eye is bothering me.  He took a look at the right eye and mentioned things like corneal edema, bullae, and some other things to the “nurse” who was writing everything in my chart.  I kind of knew that I had some bullae (small, fluid-filled blisters ,) because I’ve had sinusitis and been on antibiotics for the past two weeks.  (This is the third time I’ve had sinusitis in the last four months, could it be the mold at the store?)  The problem with the bullae now though is that when they pop, the pain isn’t going away and any kind of light brings additional pain.  I thought I might have an infection in the eye.  Doc said no and to use this stuff called Muro 128, which is basically a kicked up saline solution.  It also comes in a gel that I usually use.  I suppose I could also go to the kitchen and throw some salt in my eye…

As he checked out my left eye, he noticed the “folds” straight away.  He then said the “folds” are Haab Striae and I’ve had them for a long time.  He then (tried to) show me the sketches he’s done of my eye at every visit.  He realized I couldn’t see it and told me each one has them (the striae) there.  He said my eye looks good.  My IOP was eight in the left, 16 in the right.  Wow, so everything is good!  I am so relieved.  But wait, I can’t see as well.  There’s got to be something going on.  I do have a cataract in there, but the doc says he doesn’t think it is time to remove it.  Besides, by taking that out, it may wreck the endothelia that was transplanted in December.  Dr. Ayers says, “But we could just do another one.”  He said I might be able to 20/70 or 20/80!  Of course he said I’d get to 20/100 by doing the endothelial transplant.  I guess I’ve got to wait more than 42 weeks after the surgery to get there.  He doesn’t think the cataract is the problem though.  Dr. Ayers then adds, “Whatever it is, it’s not an easy fix.”  House!  HOUSE!  Where the hell is that guy…  Oh, he’s not real?  I thought that show was one of those reality shows.

Speaking to my dad about the appointment last night, he said, “What are they gonna tell you?  They can’t fix it, it is the way it is.”  I should have listened to him.  I’d have saved a few hours and the copay.  Not too bad for a guy that only spent two weeks in high school.

I’d like to thank Ken for transporting me to my appointment.  Since Ginny and Scott aren’t with us at the store, we don’t have coverage for Eliz and I both to leave store.  Between the mold, the economy, and my vision, it might be time to get into something else.

Everything Looks Fine… is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: applanation tonometer, appointment, cornea specialist, corneal edema, Dr. Ayers, eye, fluid-filled blisters, Ginny, glaucoma, glaucoma specialist, Haab Striae, I, infection, ken, line, Mold, muro 128, nurse, saline solution, Scott, sinusitis, the economy, time, visual acuity

After about 10 minutes, we were called back.  Christy asked about any problems, pains, etc.  She wrote down everything I said.  Then it was time for the eye chart.  Big E, that’s all I saw and even that wasn’t clear.  I could barely see that there were characters on the next line.  20/400, just like at the glaucoma study and Dr. Ruffini’s office.  Christy then flipped the pin holes down.  I saw the next line (CD, 20/200) and a letter from the next line!  The C& D (from the 20/200 line) showed up just like those ballplayers at Ray’s cornfield did for Mark.  For fun, she shined a light at my right eye.  I saw the light…  Hold the applause, please.  Dr. Pro wasn’t quite ready to see me yet, so back out into the waiting area.  We’re back to reading recipes like it’s 1999.  Sad thing is, I would have been able to read those recipes back then…

After five minutes or so, we went into another examination room.  First in was Dr. Katz, who, I believe, is doing a Fellowship at Wills.  He was very friendly and joked with Eliz and I.  He checked the IOP in both eyes (18 in the right and six in the left.)  He also looked around both eyes and mentioned that he saw the “button” in my left eye (the new part of the cornea that was transplanted last December.)  Dr. Pro came had a look and asked Dr. Katz for a quick evaluation while he (Dr. Pro) continued to checkout my eyes.

Dr. Katz stated that he got an 18 for my right eye, but didn’t know how accurate that was.  Dr. Pro said that it is hard to get a good (accurate) reading from that eye because of all the problems with it.  The cornea is thick with some scarring and there is a cataract that is pretty mature in there as well.  He then tried using a different device to get the IOP in the right eye.  From what I saw of it, it looked like one of those digital cooking thermometers.  Since the numbing drops were beginning to wear off, it didn’t feel too good being jabbed into my eye.  Dr. Pro said that the numbers were all over the place and that some of the readings were around 30.  (Perhaps my eye was simply picking the Powerball or MegaMillion numbers for the next drawing.  If Dr. Pro isn’t there for my next appointment in January, I’ll know…)

Dr. Pro then talked about the fold in the left cornea.  He told me to call and give Dr. Ayers (the cornea doc) a heads up.  He also told me to take the Pred Forte drops four times per day until I see Dr. Ayers at the end of this month.  He told me he didn’t know the cause for the fold and if it could be repaired without surgery.  Dr. Ayers would be able to tell me more.  Dr. Pro then began discussing my right eye.  He said it might be time for a trab.  I asked him why.  He thought the pressure was kind of high and I did have some vision in that eye and we should try and save it.  I mentioned that I had been told in the past by Dr. Wilson and Dr. Starer (R.I.P.) that any glaucoma surgery should be accompanied by cataract removal and a new (okay, actually it’s used, but new to me…) cornea.  I was a bit surprised by the suggestion of the trab recommendation.  My eye has very little pain usually (though, at that moment I could still feel where the meat thermometer was jabbed into it.)  Saying that I have some vision in that eye is like saying the homeless guy sleeping on the street with 18 cents in his pocket has money.  Is it true yes.  Is the sight meaningful?  No.  I then mentioned to Dr. Pro that I would be game for any type of experimental surgery on that eye.  After some additional discussion, Dr. Pro told me he just wanted me to know my options.

As we were waiting to checkout at the front desk, Eliz mentioned that my attitude had changed when he talked about surgery on my right eye.  I asked her if it was bad and she said that I was not disrespectful, but she could tell I wasn’t happy.  I wasn’t happy at all.  I still didn’t know what the problem was with my left eye and didn’t really care about how we can make my right eye minutely better.  I was extremely disappointed and frustrated.  When I got home that night, I began searching for answers on the fold.  I posted some questions in one of the yahoo groups I belong to, hoping for an answer.  As of this writing, I’ve got nothing yet.  I’ll keep you posted…  The best thing to come from the appointment, besides the recipes, was the fact that I didn’t notice any kids waiting to be seen.

Glaucoma Specialist is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: appointment, c amp, Christy, cornea, Dr. Ayers, Dr. Katz, Dr. Pro, Dr. Ruffini, Dr. Starer, Dr. Wilson, Eliz, eye, eye chart, family gatherings, glaucoma, glaucoma specialist, I.  He, magazine, Mark, pin holes, R.I.P, Ray

The nurse/assistant then put numbing drops in my eyes and took my pressure.  I’m not a fan of them taking my pressure, because they do not take their time getting a reading and are obviously not as skilled as the doctor in reading the results.  She got between 10 and 12 on my right eye (not that that eye matters.  Hell, I’d sell it to the highest bidder if I could – and no, PayPal would NOT be accepted for payment.)  She got eight in my left eye.  That eye hasn’t, pardon the pun, seen eight in quite awhile (since 5 Dec 2008, the day after my endothelial transplant, when my IOP was in the mid-teens due to something being blocked from the surgery.)  It has fluctuated between five and seven at most visits over the last six and a half years since my last trab (glaucoma surgery) in Feb 2003.  She then dilated my eyes.

Dr. Ruffini entered about 10 minutes later, and not a moment too soon, since Eliz and I had finished all the word scrambles from the paper.  I told him of my lousier than normal sight and the double vision I’ve been experiencing.  He had a look with a light that was 3457329845 times brighter than the sun.  He said he could see all the way back to the nerve in my left eye; my cornea was very clear; the cataract had grown slightly, but it wasn’t something that needed to be dealt with near-term.  He also mentioned a slight fold at the center of the endothelia.  He wasn’t sure what might have caused this, since it wasn’t there the last time.  I asked if the low IOP (hypotony) could have caused this and thought that might be it.  Wow, after 44 years of going to ophthalmologists, I actually contributed to the discussion!  He advised me to discuss the wrinkle with both the glaucoma specialist and cornea special at my upcoming appointments with them in October.

I was disappointed  when we left the appointment.  These things are going on in my eye, I still can’t see as well as I did back in March 2008 (before the problems with my cornea started,) and yet there is no solution.  Nothing.  I don’t know why I have such a hard time believing that.  I also don’t know why I’m having such a tough time dealing with it.  I’ve known since I was a little kid that this was my predicament.  Knowing doesn’t make it easier.  As my sight gets worse, I’ve gotten more miserable and I’m too young to be a grumpy old man.

Latest Eye Appointment is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: appointment, clear as day, dilated, Dr. Ruffini, endothelia, eye, eyes, glaucoma, glaucoma surgery, hypotony, L.  Then, line, low IOP, mid teens, miserable, nurse assistant, pinholes, pressure, right eye, time, word scrambles, yesterday

The first time I did this task, I was given the ground rules: I couldn’t touch the socks on the wall, I could get as close as I wanted, and, there was no time limit.  Most people had to this (and all the other tasks in the study) three times.  First time with both eyes, the second time with one eye covered, and the third time with the other eye covered.  I only had to do it (and all other tasks) twice since I have only the slightest vision in my right eye.  Believe me, 2x is enough.

I verified the ground rules with Maryanne before we started.  The last time I did this task the observer seemed to have a problem with the way I did this task.  She then started the clock and I began the task with my right eye covered.  It was covered from the last task and both Maryanne and I forgot to remove it.  I spread the socks out on the table, looking for the one I knew had no match.  It was easy to spot since it had cream or gray colored stripe near the top of the sock.  Now I just had to find the correct seven of the remaining nine and match them up.  So I hopped up on the table and zeroed in on a lighter gray sock on the board.  I found two socks that were similar in color and held them up close to the one on the board.  I could feel a pattern on one of the socks and knew that wasn’t the correct one.  I placed the other on the table beneath its mate.  This went on for about 18 minutes.  I missed two or three.

Now it was time for me to do it with both eyes.  It seemed silly for me to do it with both eyes, but at one of the other tasks I had done better with both eyes than with just my left, so I was up for seeing if it made a difference with this task.  I asked Maryanne to mix the socks up so that it would be a fair comparison.  She did and then started the timer.  I found the striped sock again and discarded it.  I hopped back onto the table and began matching.  This time it only took me about 11 minutes and I got ‘em all!  I think that was the first time in the study that I matched them all correctly.  I was happy until I realized it took me about a minute and a half to match a pair of socks.

Socks is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: colored stripe, congenital glaucoma, Eliz, eye, eye level, glaucoma, glaucoma study, legally blind, low vision, Maryanne, Socks, table, task, time, visually impaired, wall, wills eye

My latest Fields Test done at Wills Eye during a glaucoma study.

Over the past year, Eliz and I have taken part in a glaucoma study at Wills Eye in Philadelphia.  I was asked if I’d be willing to participate and when they realized that Eliz would be bringing to each session, she was asked to participate as part of the control group.  Fortunately, Eliz doesn’t have glaucoma!  The study included a (torturous) visual fields test, IOP and vision  check, a questionnaire on how glaucoma affects your life, an obstacle course, spotting different size boxes around a room, dialing a “telephone,” reading in varying lighting conditions, spotting objects moving on a computer screen, and, my favorite, matching socks.  It takes about three hours to complete and we had to go in four times within a year.  Last Thursday (17 Sep) was our last session.

We were compensated $20 (total) and had our parking validated at each visit.  At the end of the study, we are each to receive $160 (which is due in the mail in the next week or two.)  To get paid to get a fields test is AWESOME!  It’s like getting paid to be water boarded…  The fields test is so exhausting to me, because I have trouble just looking at the dot in the center of the machine.  I only get the test done on my left eye, as my right eye can barely tell light from dark (I can tell light is shining on it by waving my hand between my eye and the light source, about 10 inches from my eye.  If I see a shadow, I know there’s light and six more weeks of winter.  Of course, I could always just open my left eye, but I like to know what I can see with the right eye.)  For those that haven’t taken a visual fields test, as you look at the center dot, a series of lights, ranging in size and intensity, flash all around the inside of the machine, one flash at a time.  You have button in your hand that you press if you see the light.  It’s kind of like being on a game show.  I would hope that I would hit the button more if I were on a game show…  I’ve posted my my fields test from that day so you can see the results, they weren’t pretty.

One of my concerns that day was the eye chart.  I could only see the big E at the top with my left eye (the “good” eye.)  That is the 20/400 line.  I was able to see the E on the 20/200 line, but only with the pinholes.  I have noticed over the past few months that my vision seemed to be slipping (again.)  I have also noticed some double vision, especially on lighter objects with a dark background.  This is extremely frustrating, because it has really effected my reading on the computer.  I have a local ophthalmologist appointment next week, a glaucoma specialist appointment the following week, and my cornea specialist appointment in mid-October.  Hopefully, one of them will be able to find the problem and fix it (though I’ve been waiting my whole life to have my problem fixed, so I won’t hold my breath.)

I was asked at the glaucoma study if I would be interested in participating in more studies.  I told them I’d be happy to so.  It upsets me when I see a young kid at Wills Eye to see a glaucoma specialist.  I know what is ahead for them and it isn’t fun.  I also know what you are now thinking, ‘With technology and stem cell research, they’ll be able to take care of that problem…’  I hope so, but pardon me for not being as optimistic.  Those same things have been said to me over the years, from the time I was in middle school to the present day by friends, teachers, coworkers, employees, and others.  I’m still waiting.

Glaucoma Study is a post from: ICantCU.com | © 2009, iCantCU.com. All Rights Reserved.

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Post tags: caption, double vision, Eliz, eye, Fields Test, glaucoma, glaucoma study, lighting conditions, obstacle course, ophthalmologist, Philadelphia, size boxes, study, test, vision check, wills eye